One Drunk's Journey through Recovery

Hi.  I’m Mike and I’m an Alcoholic.

I walked in to the noon meeting today.  I was late.  The readings had already begun.  A gentleman was reading “How it Works”.  I was getting a cup of coffee when the secretary taps me on the shoulder and asks if I would be the chair.  I was taken aback, a little horrified, but of course, I said yes.  It wasn’t my first opportunity to chair, but I always get a little nervous.  What will I say?  Will I be coherent?  Will I be profound?  Will I look like an idiot?

Yeah, well, it didn’t really matter.  I got up there.  I stood up – I think it helps to stand rather than hiding behind the table – and spoke for about 15 minutes.  There were only a few extended pauses, several points when I wondered what my point was and where I was going with this line of thought, and just an overall anxiety the whole way through.

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Hi.  I’m Mike and I’m an Alcoholic.

When I was in high school, the use of dictionaries as a tool for learning was really pounded into us.  “How can you understand what you are studying when you don’t understand the words being used to convey thoughts, ideas, and concepts?”  I’ve been a big fan of dictionaries ever since.  I have really come to love the online dictionaries of the 21st century!!  I use them often, especially when I really want to grasp an idea or topic of study.

My sobriety is important to me.  It’s going to assure my future – either life or death – according to how I invest myself in it.  When I study the Big Book, I want to be sure I understand all the tools, all aspects of the tools, and how to put them to use in saving my life.  That begins with looking up and knowing the meanings of words – especially those I may thing I already understand.  Many words have many different meanings.

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Hi.  I’m Mike and I’m an Alcoholic.

I notice patterns in my life.  Certain topics, themes, commonalities that occur at various times in my life.

I’ve had a lot of opportunity to think on anger recently.  It’s kind of funny.  I’ve mostly thought of myself as a fairly passive, even wimpy kind of guy throughout my life.  I don’t think of myself as too imposing physically.  I’m just under 6 feet, about 200 – 210 pounds.  I think, though, that there are times, particularly when I’ve been drinking, that I can be pretty scary.  I can get pretty loud and pretty aggressive, though I don’t think I’ve ever been physically violent to anyone in many many years.  I haven’t been in a fight since I was in 6th or 7th grade, except with my siblings.  I don’t even have many people close enough to me that I would even have cause or opportunity to argue with.

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Hi.  I’m Mike and I’m an Alcoholic.

I’m still trying.  I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I’m going to keep trying.  Someday I may come to terms with it.  Someday I may get things right.  Until then, there will be a real mix of emotions inside.  Mostly I try to just forget about that period of my life.  I really don’t enjoy reliving unpleasant experiences.  Unfortunately it happens more often than I would care to admit.  It hasn’t even been a year yet.

I did like him.  I really did.  We both even used the word ‘Love’ once or twice, though I don’t think either of us really knew what it meant.  I was just one in a string of boyfriends for him.  He simply was convenient for me – filling some role, some hole, some void that I thought needed filling.  Someone I wanted in my life.

“Be careful what you wish for…”

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Hi.  I’m Mike and I’m an Alcoholic.

This is just a point of decorum and/or protocol.

If you are a member of a fairly small fellowship, perhaps you should think twice about talking shit to members of your fellowship about other members of the fellowship.  ESPECIALLY when the member you are speaking to just told you the person you don’t care for is his sponsor!

I can’t speak for anyone else, but that’s the sort of behavior I expect when I’m out in my disease, not when I’m in a place that claims to have the keys to recovery, sanity, and serenity.

Maybe now would be a good time for YOU to go speak to your own sponsor!


Thanks for my sobriety.

A Sad Milestone

The beautiful, and sober, former First Lady.

From CNN — Betty Ford, the widow of late President Gerald Ford and a co-founder of an eponymous addiction center in California, has died at the age of 93, according to the director of the Gerald R. Ford Presidential Library and Museum.

Ford died Friday evening with family at her bedside, according to a family member.

Elaine Didier, the director of the Grand Rapids, Michigan, museum, confirmed Ford’s death to CNN.

No other details were immediately available. The family is expected to release a statement later Friday or Saturday, Didier said.

Betty Ford Center logo
The Betty Ford Clinic was founded in 1982


The Promises


If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises?

We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

Pages 83-84, The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.